I'm lonely and my mind is always foggy and dark. I have no energy or will to survive anymore.
Whenever I try to fight with this crazy darkness in my mind I go deeper and deeper and now I feel that I will never be able to release myself,not while I'm alive. Yes,this are the words of a person who thinks about her death every day. I am,what people call,suicidal. I asked for help too many times and yet nobody hears my desperate calls. I fight alone with monsters that I will never be able to defeat. I know I will never win and yet I fight every day.
You see this smile of mine? Yes,last night I went to sleep crying for no reason.
You think I'm rude and moody? Yes,again I had a fight with all my family and I was called a failure.
You see me sad? Yes,again I was told that I'm useless.
AND YET I SMILE.
How dare you think I am ok just because I show a fake smile?
How dare you tell me I should have more fun when every time I do something you tell me I should stop?
I'm tired and this is another scream for help. I am lonely,I have no help....the ones who should always help me failed again and called me crazy.
I have no friends, my family just hates me and yet I fight for another day.
I have the tablets next to me,I could take them and go to sleep forever,such a romantic way of dealing with death,right? But I'm not afraid and I want to fight again so once again those tablets will stay there,just to remind me how strong I am. I write this letter just as a reminder to myself.
I should not quit,not yet. I have to fight and win another day.
